Politically Correct Biblical Headlines

I was going to save this for another time, but decided to post it today. Just so you'll know, I am NOT a politically correct person. I say, call it what it is and if someone doesn't like it, they can chew on it 'til they're ready to swallow.

I received this email from the Rollins. They are over the young adults SS class at our church and he is also a director of our prison ministry. The email was funny, yet true enough to make it sad. This is exactly how the world looks at our Bible.

PC Biblical Headlines
If Biblical Headlines were written by Today's Liberal Media

On Red Sea crossing: WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

On David vs. Goliath: HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY 400 Killed

On the birth of Christ:HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

On feeding the 5,000:PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

On healing the 10 lepers:LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED "Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy

On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE Local Farmer's Investment Lost

On raising Lazarus from the dead:FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK Will Reading to be Delayed

Pillow Talk

Bruce and I were getting ready to turn in for the night. I rubbed lotion on my arms. He checked the doors. I fluffed the pillows. He made sure a hall light was on. I turned on the fan. He turned off the light. We crawled into bed. This was our conversation:

Bruce: What's wrong honey? You've been quiet all night. Did something happen at church?
Me: No
Bruce: Well what's wrong then?

Several seconds passed

Me: You ate my meat loaf.
Bruce: What?
Me: You ate my meat loaf.
Bruce: *snicker* I did?
Me: Yes, you did. But that's all right. I'm over it now.
Bruce: Awww, honey, you didn't eat supper tonight?
Me: No. I wasn't hungry at the time. I was waiting until after church. And when I finished putting my jammies on I came into the kitchen and it was gone.
(He had made a meat loaf sandwich.)

Bruce: Why didn't you say something? I would have gone to Taco Bell and bought you some Tacos. Baby, I'm sorry. I thought I was doing everybody a favor.
Me: What do you mean?
Bruce: Well, I figured you would be happy because your meat loaf was so good it all got gone and Justin would have an empty pan to wash without having to put leftovers away.
Me: Don't worry about it. I had toast and a piece of kielbasa.
Bruce: Oh, Baby Doll, now I feel bad.

When he said that.....I felt better.

Youth Choir, He Came All The Way

This is one of my favorite youth choir songs. Crystal and Mark sing the verses on this song and do a fantastic job of it.

Deep Thought

Maybe in order to understand Mankind, we
have to look at the word itself. Mankind. Basically, it's
made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind." What do these words
mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

Youth Choir, I Just Stopped By

I told you that our youth choir went to sing at a youth meeting Saturday. Here's LeAnna singing I Just Stopped By with the Sons of Faith and the choir backing her.

Because North Carolina requires us to test our children, we will be testing this week. So I won't be posting much, except maybe some videos of the youth choir and something from Deep Thoughts.

Deep Thoughts

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em
go, because, man, they're gone!

Amazing Story! You Must Read It!

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant, who stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter's legs, and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Weekend Update, with Happymama

I have had a very good weekend. My sweetheart came home from the fishing trip Saturday afternoon just as I was picking the kids up from bus church. Hannah and I raced to get to him so we could hug and kiss him. I won.

When we were all home again, Bruce pulled out a bag of goodies he had brought home for all of us. He brought Harrison a "special" pen, a game for Justin, a brush and ring for Hannah and he brought me back a beautiful bracelet, ring, thimble, nativity, and two books called Deep Thoughts. Hoorah! We love it when daddy brings back surprises.

When Bruce had unpacked and showered, we left to have dinner at Shomars. One of our friends was having a birthday and several families got together to eat there in celebration. I like Shomars gyro dinner which is made up of seasoned lamb and beef, lettuce, tomato, and onion on pita bread. They are really good. And I love the cucumber sauce that goes on it. Mmmm, now I'm hungry for a gyro!

Our family was going back to the church to catch the bus because our youth choir was going to sing at a Youth Conference about an hour or so away. Brother Fletcher was preaching that conference. His sermon was on the jigsaw puzzle of life and how we need to keep Jesus as the corner piece of our jigsaw. And we don't need to try to make pieces fit together. We need to let Jesus put in the right pieces so that when He has completed us, our jigsaw shows a beautiful journey. It was a good sermon.

I taught Sunday school this morning for my mother who wasn't quite ready to climb steps yet. I taught on King Darius and Daniel. I was pacing back and forth like King Darius and told the children that he was wringing his hands and pacing back and forth, worried about Daniel all night long. I asked them, "Why do you think King Darius was so worried and upset?" Cole said, "Because he signed that stupid law." Everytime I teach that class I get tickled. OH! Kellie, you're going to LOVE this....Benjamin was taking up the offering for the class today and as he approached each child, they were penniless. Absolutelly penniless. I said, "Benjamin, I forgot to ask Brother Bruce for some money for offering." He said, "That's OK, do you have tip money?" I said, "What?" He answered, "Do you have tip money? Like when you go out to eat? Tip money?" I did manage to pull out a dollar in change. That made him very happy. And then he ended up asking Gracie if she had a bank card. HILARIOUS!!!!! Funny stuff from this class, I tell ya. OH, and mom, a few of them saw you in the "big room" as they called it...the sanctuary...and were waiting for you to come up and teach them. They missed you.

After our afternoon nap I woke up with a very bad sore throat again and the right side of my neck was sore. My ear was beginning to hurt too. I would like for this sickness to go away and stay away. I'm sick of being sick!

Brother Bradley and I were able to sing My Friend and I tonight while Mrs. Anna played the piano for us. She did such a fantastic job. Her fingers effortlessly flow across the keys. Very beautiful. I'll admit that as much as I wanted to sing that song, I was kind of hoping Pastor wouldn't call on us because of my throat, but he did and it turned out all right.

Since Christians are boycotting McDonald's now, we were asked to tag along to Dairy Queen, which is apparently the new hot spot for after church on Sunday nights. An ice cream was EXACTLY what I needed for my throat. And boy did it feel good!

I hope you a good weekend also. I'll leave you with a thought from one of the books Bruce bought me...

To me, it's a good idea to always carry
two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if
anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these
sacks."

Math Hotline

Homeschoolers, take note....here's your Math Hotline!

Stooges!?

New Five Dollar Bill

Although very close to reality, thank you for the giggle, Aunt Janice!

Daddy

(daddy's innards)

Some of you already know this, but daddy had his stent procedure yesterday to hopefully repair the bile duct. There was so much scar tissue build up from his surgery in August that they could not insert the stent. We waited for the original surgeon to finish up another surgery and call us, hoping they would be able to take him on in and do the surgery he's really been needing for the last several months. But when she called, she said her schedule was booked and the earliest time we could get him in for this would be Tuesday of next week.

Bless his heart, he's absolutely miserable from the itching and there are times he becomes chilled and so sick with vomitting. He just wants to feel good again.

On a lighter side, he hasn't lost his sense of humor. It keeps him going and us on our toes. You NEVER know what the man is going to say or do in public. Going out with him is like playing Russion Roulette with your humility, if you know what I mean. But it's good to hear him crack a joke and make someone else laugh.

While we were in the hospital, I was looking at both of my parents features wondering who I resembled more. I just couldn't decide so I thought a blog post allowing you to decide who I look like would be fun. So, below are pictures of me and my parents. You tell me...who do I look more like?

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Me

Daddy

Mama

Ha!....did you really think I was serious?

When we got daddy home from the hospital, he was so thirsty for a soda, but there was none in the house. He also needed his car inspected, which was due back in January. They hadn't realized that until they received a letter from the state being reminded to take care of that soon or face a penalty. SO! Without further delay, I took daddy with me to get the car inspected, leaving mother behind to take care of some business at home. He was still very groggy and wabbled into the station, tripping over a few things, even his own feet. But he made it to the waiting area and he sat there in his jammers (lol). Aren't I terrible monopolizing on his "innards" and jammer pictures? Just for the record, I did have permission.

Just For Mama Trenton

Blogging can get some people in trouble. Sometimes the person blogging will get in trouble for something they say. Sometimes a person being blogged about will get in trouble. And then sometimes an innocent picture like this one.........

....will get someone in trouble.

Imagine the surprise and confusion when Mrs. Kim's very sweet mama, Mrs. Trenton, saw the above picture on my blog from Easter Sunday and just could not figure out why her daughter was not wearing the beautiful Easter outfit she had bought for her.
Then imagine Mrs. Kim's surprise and confusion when her mother called from three states away and asked if she had seen my blog from Easter. "No" being the reply, her mother then remarked that Mrs. Kim was not wearing the Easter dress that was lovingly bought for her, sent to her by care of our Pastor who was in revival service there at her father's church, and tailored to fit by our own dear Mrs. Gladys, resident church seamstress.
I believe the appropriate term to insert here would be BUSTED!

Come to find out, Mrs. Kim LOVED her new dress from her sweet mama, but there was quite the mishap Easter morning. See, Mrs. Kim ironed her dress, but she ironed the flaps on the side wrong, giving her somewhat of an angelic look. In other words, her hips had wings. But I'm happy to report that today she was able to iron down those wings and wear the lovely outfit that sweet Mrs. Reva bought for her precious daughter.


Now, Mama Trenton, doesn't she look lovely?

And to show the world the fun-loving side she gets from her dear mother, she wanted to share this picture too....

I believe she was doing the "walk like an Egyptian" pose here.

Daddy always said, "Be sure your sins will find you out.."

Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit---no flies, no smell. What business could that poor kitty have had here?' murmured Ellen.

'Come on, Ellen, let's just go...'

But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, 'I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue.' She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the TEXAS sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell. They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to Lucy's Cafeteria.

After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window table, they had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag still on the trunk. BUT not for long! As they ate, they noticed a woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car, look quickly this way and that, and then hook the Dillard's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision.

Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond. 'Can you imagine?' finally sputtered Ellen. 'The nerve of that woman!'

Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief. Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the woman with THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier. Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After clearing the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat.

After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure. Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag. Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich maneuver. A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived.

In a matter of minutes the woman emerged from the crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney. Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared behind the ambulance doors, .... the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach!!

Sometimes, God does take care of those who do bad things (AND once in awhile.. He allows us to witness it!)

I Assure You, It Is NOT Mother's Day!

All right, today's post is for "Little" John O' and his friend that were in a panic the other day when they read this post....

Remember how Bruce went to have lunch with his mom last week? And I went to have lunch with my mom on the same day? And I titled my post It's Mother's Day! Well, two mothers were frantically called by very remorseful sons who are in Bible college way out yonder in California, apologizing for forgetting Mother's Day.

Now, boys, haven't you been sons long enough to know that Mother's Day is always in the spring? And that Mother's Day is ALWAYS on a Sunday? And that Mother's Day is never, NEVER in Februrary??? I mean, FEBRUARY!!!! Wasn't that a clue? Are you studying so hard for exams that you THOUGHT it was May?

I suppose I should take some sort of blame for this kafuffle, but honestly boys, did you even READ the post? I also suppose it's comforting for these mother's to know that if their sons, did in fact, forget Mother's Day, they would feel extremely sorrowful.

Quite honestly, I've gotten myself a nice little chuckle out of this story tonight. Mainly because I know "Little" John well enough to know that if he gets around to reading today's post, he'll just hang his head, wag it back and forth, all the while wearing that grin of his that only he has.

Fret not, Dear John, you have until Sunday, May 11, before it is TRULY Mother's Day.

Nothin' Much

I have nothing interesting to write about tonight. No pictures. No funny stories. OK, that's not entirely true. I do have one funny story, but I'm keeping it between me and the O'Malley family because it is kind of embarassing. Let's just say they're having a nice giggle at my expense right now. At least that's what Brother John O' said. I have always believed in making people laugh, but more times than none it's because I say or do something crazy. Well, O'Malley fam, take heart in the laughter. It doeth good like a medicine!

I love my ipod. I really do. Mrs. Janet downloaded some things of Dr. Curtis Hutson live for me on there and as I walked through the grocery store with the ipod carefully concealed in the front pocket of my skirt which was covered by my coat, I couldn't help but smile as I listened to his voice sing a song or give testimony. I laughed when people would look at me like I was crazy because I was smiling to myself or whispering a small "amen" under my breath. Do you ever wonder why God takes great men like that? I think it's because they're just so sweet to the Father's heart, He has to have them there with Him.

And then I found pleasure in listening to another man's testimony from the Concord Baptist Church where Brother Sammy Allen is the Pastor. Now, you must find the humor in this. He told the story of a woman who had always worn long dresses and skirts past her ankles. When she died, her children could only see her from the waist up in the casket and were concerned that they had taken her legs off. So to assure them that she was, in fact all there, they raised the bottom half of the casket and pulled her skirt up, revealing her ankles. The children left devastated in tears because up until that point, no one had ever seen their mother's legs. Bruce and I talked about how the children must have felt that they had desecrated their mother's memory by showing her legs. But then I thought of how I would have reacted and, although I would be in much grief, I would most likely leave in chortles and giggles.

At any rate, it was a testimony of this sweet Christian lady and how she never once wavered in her standards. And like Curtis Hutson, she too must have been sweet to the Father's heart.

I wonder how sweet I am to His heart?

Holiday Eating Tips

Here are some Holiday Eating Imperatives I ran across and thought I'd share with all of you dear bloggy friends.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving chocolate covered peanut butter balls!!!

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly! It's rare. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas and eggnog will soon be off the shelves for the coming new year.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat step #3.4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of a Christmas tree, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO what a ride!" Have a Merry Christmas!

Thanksgiving Funny

This video is for all you cat owners. This is our Harley at 4:30 AM.

:)

Bruce and I went to a local pawn shop today that he likes to frequent. Mainly because he has a childhood friend that works there. Anyway, his friend's dad (Big John) was there and we stood around telling jokes for a bit.

Big John asked if I had heard the Love Story. I told him no and so he told it to me.

Once upon a time there was a man that asked his love to marry him.
She told him no.
He lived happily ever after.


Oh, come on ladies.....you thought it was funny too!

Daddy called this evening and asked me to join he and mom for supper at Swooger's, which is a local owned ice cream parlor. So we enjoyed a spaghetti dinner and of course a few laughs. Please don't ask me to tell you what we laughed about because my mother couldn't handle it again. Anyway, we had fun.

After we ate, daddy and I walked down to the Dollar General to look around while mother went home since her legs were tired from working all day....so we THOUGHT she went home.

After 15 or 20 minutes, daddy and I said our goodbyes and parted. I went one way, he went another. Just as daddy got home, his cell phone rang.

"Hello?"
"Larry? Where are you?"
"Well, I'm at home....where are you?"
"I'm still in the parking lot. I was going to follow you home."

Bless her heart. Mom was going to follow daddy home, but somehow missed seeing both of us pull out of the parking lot. I have no idea how she managed that.

They celebrated their forty-second anniversary yesterday. Isn't that wonderful? They say the divorce rate is going down, but that's because people aren't getting married. They're just playing house. I'm so thankful my parents have been true to their vows and true to each other all these years. The secret ingredient really isn't a secret. They'll be the first to tell you that only the Lord has kept them from killing each other. LOL Seriously though, Christ has helped them build their home and I'm so glad I've been a part of that home. I pray they will have many more happy years together.

When I got home, I changed clothes and headed to the funeral home. Sadly, some church members had a grandchild to pass away at just 12 days old. Little Jacob was born a fighter, weighing just barely over a pound. He fought a good fight, but just couldn't fight any more. Please pray for his heartbroken parents, the grandparents, and the extended family. They'll need a touch from Heaven in the days and weeks to come.

For the Hunters

A group of Carolina boys went deer huntin' and paired off in two's for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.

"Well, it was a tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is gonna to steal Henry!"

Tithing Pays!

Two men crashed in their private plane on a South Pacific Island. Both survived. One of the men brushed himself off and then proceeded to run all over the island to see if they had any chance of survival. When he returned, he rushed up to the other man and screamed, "This island is uninhabited, there is no food, there is no water. We! are going to die!"

The other man leaned back against the fuselage of the wrecked plane, folded his arms and responded, "No we're not. I make over $250,000 a week."

The first man grabbed his friend and shook him. "Listen, we are on an uninhabited island. There is no food, no water. We are going to die!"

The other man, unruffled, again responded. "No, I make over $250,000 a week."

Mystified, the first man, taken aback with such an answer again repeated, "For the last time, I'm telling you we ARE doomed. There is NO one else on this island. There is NO food. There is NO water. We are, I repeat, we are going to die a slow death."

Still unfazed, the first man looked the other in the eyes and said, Do not make me say this again. I make over $250,000 per week... I am a Baptist and tithe.
MY PASTOR WILL FIND US!"