A Few One-liners

Sign in a pet store: Buy one dog, get one flea.

I live in my own little world. But it's ok, they know me there.

If flying is so safe, why do they call an airport the terminal?

I don't approve of political joke. I've seen too many of them get elected.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothes. If I had any loose-fitting clothes, I wouldn't have signed up for the class in the first place!

The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't even fallen asleep yet.

Wouldn't you know it....brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever!